What About Despair?
Posted by Karen Williams at 6/22/2009 8:49 PM 
Categories: Emotional Scale,Despair,Discouragement
Tags: Emotional Scale Despair Discouragement
Categories: Emotional Scale,Despair,Discouragement
Tags: Emotional Scale Despair Discouragement
Thanks to a reader for this question:
"Despair: the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well.
Do you experience this? We've all heard of cell phone 'dead zones.' Sometimes I enter a personal dead zone. Here's how it works...
I'm going about my day, doing the next thing, perhaps even walking in the present reality of God's kingdom and mindful of the fullness of life and spiritual abundance within me...and then suddenly the dead zone...a surge of despair and emptiness and aloneness and despondency sweeps over me.....
I am contacted by many people who express despair. So, I have some questions. Do you experience despair? What is it like for you? Does it take some specific form such as the ways I descried mine above?
Also, are feelings of despair a sign of failure - as in you're just not "getting it" or otherwise you wouldn't be experiencing such negative thoughts or feelings? What exactly is "despair" beyond the above definition? Where does it come from? What causes it? What is the way you deal with it?
Whatever it is, is despair simply a part of being human? Karen, Just wondering if you had any thoughts on this?"
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"Despair: the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well.
Do you experience this? We've all heard of cell phone 'dead zones.' Sometimes I enter a personal dead zone. Here's how it works...
I'm going about my day, doing the next thing, perhaps even walking in the present reality of God's kingdom and mindful of the fullness of life and spiritual abundance within me...and then suddenly the dead zone...a surge of despair and emptiness and aloneness and despondency sweeps over me.....
I am contacted by many people who express despair. So, I have some questions. Do you experience despair? What is it like for you? Does it take some specific form such as the ways I descried mine above?
Also, are feelings of despair a sign of failure - as in you're just not "getting it" or otherwise you wouldn't be experiencing such negative thoughts or feelings? What exactly is "despair" beyond the above definition? Where does it come from? What causes it? What is the way you deal with it?
Whatever it is, is despair simply a part of being human? Karen, Just wondering if you had any thoughts on this?"
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Despair is a feeling of immense disillusionment with life, we could say. On the emotional scale that Abraham published in their first Hay House book, Ask and It Is Given, despair is listed in last place as far as feeling good is concerned. It's #22, along with its buddies, fear, grief, depression, and powerlessness (p. 114).
I personally do not experience despair, but I may well have experienced it at earlier times in my life. I'm not inclined to go back and evaluate that, for I've now trained myself to think only about the good-feeling times in my past. Nothing good comes from feeling bad or from remembering times when we felt bad.
I do know that sometimes negative emotions, such as fear, grief, and despair, can seem to come upon people out of the blue — as if we've entered a "dead zone." We know that our feelings come from our thoughts, so there must have been some major thoughts of what we don't like and don't want accumulating in our vibrational offering, even along with thoughts of appreciation and abundance. Then, we may run head-long into some unhappy thoughts/ thought forms from other people. (Like attracts like, and as our unhappy thoughts gain some momentum, they can draw others to themselves.) At that point, we feel heightened emotional discomfort,which is, of course, our Inner Being's way of urging us to find somewhere else to place our attention.
Despair certainly can be part of being human, but as we learn to move up the vibrational scale by choosing thoughts that feel a little better...and a little better...and a little better yet, it doesn't need to be part of our experience. If we do feel despair or its cohort emotions, though, we can be thankful that our emotional guidance system is alive and well and nudging us to focus our attention differently. We can also be thankful that as we practice choosing better-feeling thoughts, we will not continue to dip that low on the emotional scale.
Many people do experience despair, and it's always, as far as I can tell, a result of how they've been focusing their attention, their habitual patterns of thought. Further, a person who has intense desires, who is a "powerful wanter" in Abraham terminology, will be more prone to despair than those with fewer desires if both groups are focusing in ways that don't allow their desires to find them. A "powerful wanter" has more to potentially feel frustration and disillusionment about than someone who has fewer goals and desires that are calling to him/her.
How does one move beyond despair? It's the same way that one moves beyond every emotion to a better-feeling one: deliberately thinking thoughts that feel a bit better, as mentioned above. Let's tinker with a few thoughts that might come up:
"I suddenly feel despair right now. I feel like I'm a victim of these emotional states that seem to descend on me.
Actually, I don't feel despair all the time. Sometimes I feel fine. It's just that when I'm in a negative emotional state, it feels as if I'm always here. I can remind myself that's not true.
I know that negative emotions are valuable feed-back from my Inner Being, alerting me that I've been focusing, off-and-on, on circumstances that I don't like and I don't want. They're like the pain receptors in my fingers that alert me to take my hand off a hot stove. They serve an important function.
Despair doesn't mean I'm a failure in my spiritual practice. It simply means that my guidance system is alive and well. That's actually a good thing. I wouldn't want my fingertips to become numb, and I wouldn't want my emotional guidance to be numb, either.
I'm going to deliberately think some feel-better thoughts right now. I'm going to focus on some pleasant memories or something that I hope for in the future. Maybe I'll also try to find something to appreciate in this moment. As I practice some better feeling thoughts, I'll magnetize better feeling thoughts and thought-forms, and I'll gain momentum in feeling some relief.
My goal isn't to try to think thoughts of glee and jubilation. I'm simply aiming to focus my attention in ways that feel a little better than where I am. Through this simple process, I can begin moving up the emotional scale. Thinking slightly better-feeling thoughts is a tool I can use wherever I find myself on the scale — in anger, blame, disappointment, or even boredom. Through this process, I can train myself to feel better...and better...and better yet.
As I take my emotional journey upward, I will notice my circumstances changing to more of what I like and want. My dreams and desires will start to come within reach. But those manifestations will simply be the icing on the cake, for it just feels so good to feel good. And now I know how to get there.
It suddenly matters less where I am right now, since I know how to get where I want to go. "
——————————————
I'm thankful for the opportunity to respond to my reader's question and for Abraham-Hicks, who share the most brilliant psychology in the known (and unknown) Universe. Abe, you rock!
Logo by C.J. Martin
(mavericksdesign@gmail.com)
I personally do not experience despair, but I may well have experienced it at earlier times in my life. I'm not inclined to go back and evaluate that, for I've now trained myself to think only about the good-feeling times in my past. Nothing good comes from feeling bad or from remembering times when we felt bad.
I do know that sometimes negative emotions, such as fear, grief, and despair, can seem to come upon people out of the blue — as if we've entered a "dead zone." We know that our feelings come from our thoughts, so there must have been some major thoughts of what we don't like and don't want accumulating in our vibrational offering, even along with thoughts of appreciation and abundance. Then, we may run head-long into some unhappy thoughts/ thought forms from other people. (Like attracts like, and as our unhappy thoughts gain some momentum, they can draw others to themselves.) At that point, we feel heightened emotional discomfort,which is, of course, our Inner Being's way of urging us to find somewhere else to place our attention.
Despair certainly can be part of being human, but as we learn to move up the vibrational scale by choosing thoughts that feel a little better...and a little better...and a little better yet, it doesn't need to be part of our experience. If we do feel despair or its cohort emotions, though, we can be thankful that our emotional guidance system is alive and well and nudging us to focus our attention differently. We can also be thankful that as we practice choosing better-feeling thoughts, we will not continue to dip that low on the emotional scale.
Many people do experience despair, and it's always, as far as I can tell, a result of how they've been focusing their attention, their habitual patterns of thought. Further, a person who has intense desires, who is a "powerful wanter" in Abraham terminology, will be more prone to despair than those with fewer desires if both groups are focusing in ways that don't allow their desires to find them. A "powerful wanter" has more to potentially feel frustration and disillusionment about than someone who has fewer goals and desires that are calling to him/her.
How does one move beyond despair? It's the same way that one moves beyond every emotion to a better-feeling one: deliberately thinking thoughts that feel a bit better, as mentioned above. Let's tinker with a few thoughts that might come up:
"I suddenly feel despair right now. I feel like I'm a victim of these emotional states that seem to descend on me.
Actually, I don't feel despair all the time. Sometimes I feel fine. It's just that when I'm in a negative emotional state, it feels as if I'm always here. I can remind myself that's not true.
I know that negative emotions are valuable feed-back from my Inner Being, alerting me that I've been focusing, off-and-on, on circumstances that I don't like and I don't want. They're like the pain receptors in my fingers that alert me to take my hand off a hot stove. They serve an important function.
Despair doesn't mean I'm a failure in my spiritual practice. It simply means that my guidance system is alive and well. That's actually a good thing. I wouldn't want my fingertips to become numb, and I wouldn't want my emotional guidance to be numb, either.
I'm going to deliberately think some feel-better thoughts right now. I'm going to focus on some pleasant memories or something that I hope for in the future. Maybe I'll also try to find something to appreciate in this moment. As I practice some better feeling thoughts, I'll magnetize better feeling thoughts and thought-forms, and I'll gain momentum in feeling some relief.
My goal isn't to try to think thoughts of glee and jubilation. I'm simply aiming to focus my attention in ways that feel a little better than where I am. Through this simple process, I can begin moving up the emotional scale. Thinking slightly better-feeling thoughts is a tool I can use wherever I find myself on the scale — in anger, blame, disappointment, or even boredom. Through this process, I can train myself to feel better...and better...and better yet.
As I take my emotional journey upward, I will notice my circumstances changing to more of what I like and want. My dreams and desires will start to come within reach. But those manifestations will simply be the icing on the cake, for it just feels so good to feel good. And now I know how to get there.
It suddenly matters less where I am right now, since I know how to get where I want to go. "
——————————————
I'm thankful for the opportunity to respond to my reader's question and for Abraham-Hicks, who share the most brilliant psychology in the known (and unknown) Universe. Abe, you rock!
Logo by C.J. Martin
(mavericksdesign@gmail.com)
Hi Karen,
Thanks so much for this post, as always.
I would just like to contribute by saying that sometimes I find myself grouchy or in a bad mood and I just don’t know why (and I’ve visited despair in the past). If I don’t know what it is, I will now blame it on hormones or blood sugar. But the truth of the matter is, I don’t know what is causing the “bad” mood at the time.
So what I have learned to do is to sit down and write down what’s going on with me. The act of writing, with the pen and paper (instead of the keyboard and computer) helps me access the thoughts which are causing me to feel down. That’s when I usually go, “Ohhhhhhh, I see what I’ve been so grouchy!” And then, once I have identified the thoughts which are pulling me down to a lower vibration, then I can begin to reach for better feeling thoughts, little by little, step by step. What I love about the teachings of Abraham is that I don’t have to leap from grumpy to cheerful all at once. I can take baby steps.
It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around once I start this process.
Hugs!
Rhonda
www.kidsawakening.com
www.lawofattractionexperts.com
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Is it really that simplistic? Just notice and try and think a better thought? I've been noticing all day my dead zone and feeling of despair and trying to think a better thought and I think I'm more in despair & anger now than when I started. I'm not trying to be caustic, but I think there must be a little more to it than that. I am open to being wrong but there has to be something more.
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Thanks, Greg, and thanks, Rhonda, for your comments. I so appreciate your feedback.
Here's the thing, Greg. It's not about continuing to notice the dead zone. That's what you're trying to move your attention gradually away from. Since you were noticing all day your dead zone and feeling of despair, your efforts to think a better thought weren't fruitful.
It sounds odd, I suppose, but in order to move beyond feelings of despair, you've got to stop focusing on them, even in brief intervals. And that's where these other thoughts come in. They distract you from noticing where you are that feels so bad. so perplexing, and so mired in failure.
There's no right or wrong here. It's just about finding relief from despair and any other bad-feeling place in which a person finds him/herself. It's about finding a process that works.
If you are feeling anger, if you are feeling caustic, I surmise you have found some relief from despair, for those feelings bespeak a definite upward movement on the emotional scale. When you're angry, you feel far less powerless than when you're in despair.
I heartily recommend all of the books of Abraham-Hicks, including Ask and It Is Given, which explains the emotional guidance scale, and The Astonishing Power of Emotions. They are billiant, amazing, and life-changing.
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Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. Prov 25:20
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GT,
"My dead zone" sounds totally and permanently powerless. Perhaps you could try to find a softer name like "warning zone." It is simply your inner being yelling to get your attention, to change your thoughts.
Despair to me is powerless to even reach for relief. Finding a better feeling thought than the one you are thinking always brings relief. Don't try to reach for bliss from despair, just reach for relief. That is the key.
Once you know how to reach for relief, despair will go away. I agree with you, it seems too simplistic. But this stuff works.
I have lived with Karen for years and I have never seen her anywhere near despair. She has the tools to be aware of where she is on the emotional scale and to turn around and go up when she wants. We have learned to be easy with all of this and be as happy as we can. I like that. Life is good, all is well.
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Can't come up with elegant statements as the above ones but what I do is just tell myself to "stop it" move on with whatever it is I'm doing, stop thinking about the negative, once you start going into that bottomless hole it only gets worse & worse, STOP IT as soon as you are aware of it. There is something going on to be happy about, you woke up, you have food, a car that runs, nice day for a walk etc. Usually helps me a lot. Practice, practice, practice just being happy, you are probably trying to overcome years of doing this, need to retrain your mind to being in the present moment not in past or future. Good luck.
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